The dumplings sat half cooked in the pot, pale and unfinished in the cloudy broth, and for one strange second I thought, Samuel would be furious about that. Not angry-angry. Never that. But he would have looked into the pot, sighed with theatrical disappointment, and said, “Dot, patience is the whole point. You can’t quit on dumplings halfway through.”
Forty-one years of marriage and that was the lesson of his that lived in my body more reliably than prayer: patience. Stir slow. Wait. Let things become what they are on their own time. Don’t rush the broth. Don’t force the rise. Don’t pull bread from the oven before it’s ready just because you’re tired of waiting.
I had spent most of my life believing patience was a virtue.
That Tuesday evening, I began to understand it could also be a weapon.
My name is Dorothy May Hastings. I am sixty-eight years old. I was a registered nurse at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta for thirty-four years. I delivered babies, held the hands of men who knew they were dying, cleaned wounds that would have made most grown adults faint dead away, and I never once in those thirty-four years called in sick unless I was physically incapable of standing upright.
I was not raised to be fragile.
I was raised in a town outside Macon by a mother who thought idle hands invited trouble and a father who loved us in the practical way some men do, through repaired hinges and sharpened pencils and making sure the car had gas before anybody else noticed it was low. By the time I was nineteen, I knew how to make biscuits, check a fever without a thermometer, fold fitted sheets, balance a checking account, and calm down a frightened person by the sound of my voice alone.
That last skill made me a very good nurse and, much later, a very convenient mother.
I retired at sixty-two, not because I was tired, but because Samuel got diagnosed and I wanted every minute that remained to belong to us.
Pancreatic cancer does not bargain. It does not care what you had planned for retirement or who still needs you or whether you just refinanced the kitchen. It arrives like a locked door slamming somewhere deep in the house of your life, and then it starts closing the rest of them one by one.
