But underneath that fear was something else, something small and fragile and stubborn. Hope. I don’t know how to do this, I admitted. Elise squeezed my arm gently. Neither do I. We stood there on the sidewalk as the sun started its slow descent toward the mountains. Two broken people who’d been shoved together by a dying woman’s last wish. And for the first time in 3 years, I felt something other than numb. I felt terrified. And that felt like the beginning of something real.
I didn’t go home that night. Not right away. Elise and I walked along the lake trail until the sun dipped behind the mountains and the air turned sharp with cold. We didn’t talk much at first, just walked side by side while our shoes crunched on the gravel path and the water lapped quietly against the shore. Harley would have loved this, I thought, and then immediately wondered why I was thinking about bringing my dog on walks with a woman I’d just met.
But that’s what Elise did to me. She made me think about futures I’d stopped imagining. When we finally sat down on a weathered bench overlooking the water, Elise pulled her cardigan tighter around her shoulders and said something that made my chest ache. I go see Mrs. Chen three times a week, sometimes more if she’s having a bad day. And every single time she asks me if I’ve met you yet, if I’ve given you a chance, I looked at Alisa’s profile in the fading light.
The way her breath came out in small clouds, the way she seemed so tired and so beautiful at the same time. Why didn’t you tell me before? I asked. Why show up to this date knowing what it really was? She turned to face me, and her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. Because she begged me to. because she said you’d run if you knew she was sick, and she wanted us to meet as just two people first, not as her patients nurse and her neighbor, just Zayn and Elise.
My throat tightened. That sounded exactly like something Mrs. Chen would do. Manipulative and loving in equal measure. She’s right, I admitted. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have come. Elise nodded slowly. I know. That’s why I agreed to lie. But sitting across from you in that coffee shop, hearing about your fianceé, I couldn’t keep pretending. You deserve to know the truth. I reached over and took her hand without thinking, lacing my fingers through hers. Her hand was cold from the evening air, and I rubbed my thumb across her knuckles, trying to warm it.
“What else did Mrs. Chen tell you about me?” I asked. Elisa’s lips curved into a sad smile. “She said you’re the kindest man she’s ever known. That you fixed her porch railing without being asked. That you shovel her walkway every time it snows. that you sit with her sometimes and don’t make her feel like a burden. She said, “You have a good heart, but it’s locked up so tight she’s afraid you’ll die with it still closed.” I had to look away because the truth of those words cut too deep.
“I don’t know how to unlock it,” I whispered. “I don’t know how to stop being afraid.” Elise squeezed my hand. “Maybe you don’t have to stop being afraid. Maybe you just have to try anyway.” We sat there until the stars started appearing, until the cold became too much to ignore. And when I finally walked Elise to her car, I didn’t want to let go of her hand. “Can I see you again?” I asked, and my voice sounded raw.
“Not because Mrs. Chen wants us to, but because I do.” Elise looked up at me with those exhausted, beautiful eyes and nodded. “Yes, but Zayn, you need to know something. Mrs. Chen’s condition is going to get worse. And when it does, I’ll be there with her until the end. If you and I do this, if we try this thing between us, you’re going to watch me walk into grief over and over again. You’re going to smell hospitals on my clothes and see death in my eyes some days.
Can you handle that? I thought about Sarah, about the accident, about 3 years of running from anything that reminded me of loss. And then I thought about the way Elise had looked at me in that coffee shop, like she saw all my broken pieces and didn’t flinch. I don’t know, I said honestly, but I want to try. Elise reached up and touched my face, her palm warm against my cheek. Then we’ll try together. She kissed me softly, barely a brush of lips, but it felt like a promise, like the beginning of something that would either save us both or destroy us.
When she drove away, I stood in the parking lot watching her tail lights disappear. And for the first time in 3 years, I felt something stronger than fear. I felt alive. Two weeks later, I was sitting in Mrs. Chen’s living room when everything changed. Elise had invited me over, said Mrs. Chen wanted to see me, and I’d brought a wooden jewelry box I’d carved with cherry blossoms because I knew they reminded her of her late husband. When I walked in, Mrs.
